Relationships

Letting Go of Fear Based Beliefs and Finding True Love

Where to Find True Love

My coaching client Jodi has been in a Mormon marriage for nearly 30 years. For all those years she, her husband, and five children have participated avidly in the Mormon Church, rituals, and community.

A few years ago Jodi felt guided to explore other philosophies such as yoga, meditation, and alternative forms of spiritual expression—all no-no’s according to traditional Mormonism, which shuns people who step out of line. So for Jodi to express her desire to delve into non-traditional pathways required a huge leap of faith.

Although Jodi’s husband Don was initially distressed by her dabbling outside the church, he supported her to venture on other paths of spiritual inquiry. Jodi stopped wearing traditional Mormon garments, took a life coaching course, read books by Paramahansa Yogananda, set up an altar including small statues of Buddha and the Hindu deity Ganesha, and took an unprecedented trip by herself to a residential meditation retreat.

If Don had been stuck on their special relationship, he might have hit the ceiling and called in the church fathers to “deprogram” his wife. But, to his credit, he just kept loving Jodi, which endeared him to her all the more. His trust in her explorations did not dissolve their marriage, but strengthened it. When I last spoke to Jodi, she reported that she and Don were doing tantric sex practices. Both of them deserve huge credit for flowing with the changes in their relationship and co-creating a marriage based on love, not fear.

Sourcing Love Within Ourselves

I have often pondered why so many of us have had so much pain in relationships. It’s because we were trained to believe that we are empty or broken, and if we can just get someone to give us what we are missing, we would be happy. Then we must control our supposed source of good so that person will keep doing the things that make us feel loved.

As it turns out, it’s the other way around. The purpose of relationship is to source love within ourself and then extend it to our partner. When we genuinely love, the joy that passes through our heart to the other person blesses, uplifts, and heals us as it moves through us.

I used to teach about unconditional love, until my mother taught me what unconditional love really is. When I set out on my spiritual path, I was inspired by the teachings of Jesus. I studied the New Testament and I taped a small picture of Jesus on the dashboard of my car.

My Jewish mother was not exactly pleased as punch to ride with Jesus as co-pilot. When I picked her up to take her shopping, she made fun of the photo. “Were you cold out here last night, Jesus?” she mockingly asked the image, tapping it with her forefinger. “Would you like me to knit you a sweater?”

So out of respect for my mother (especially since she had paid for the car), I removed the photo from the dashboard and placed it in the glove box. The next time my mother sat in the car, she said nothing but she seemed happier, so I figured Jesus was secretly smiling under the dashboard.

Rising Above Lifetime Belief Systems and Values

A few weeks later when I went to visit my mother at her house, I saw something I had never seen before in my home or in any Jewish home. On the dining room table, propped up against a napkin holder, was a small picture of the Catholic Saint Veronica.

Astonished, I asked, “Mom, where did you get this?”

“I saw it at a garage sale,” she answered nonchalantly. “I thought you would like it.”

I was speechless. In order for my mother to get me that picture, she had to rise above her lifetime belief system and values as a Jew and a Jewish mother. In that moment I realized that unconditional love goes far beyond words. It is an energy we radiate, a principle we live.

Releasing Fear-Based Models of Love

Love is not about control, but connection. Not about demanding, but allowing. Not about getting, but overflowing and supporting. As we release fear-based models of love, we open to the gift we were born to receive by giving it.

February is Valentine’s month, when we celebrate great love. If you are searching for love, it may be closer than you think. Kabir said, “I laugh when I hear that the fish in the water is thirsty.” The love of your life might be right where you stand. Even if you are not with your ideal lover, you have friends and family who love you deeply.

If you are with a partner who does not appear to be “The One,” there might be more love available in that relationship than you know. Appreciate and celebrate what you have before asking for more. The gifts that you have been seeking have been laid at your door. When you find beauty and wonder in those around you, you open the door to find it in yourself. Let this month be the one in which you find true love, by discovering the happiness you seek right where you stand.

*subtitles by InnerSelf

Book by this Author

A Course in Miracles Made EasyA Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey from Fear to Love
by Alan Cohen.

Click here for more info and/or to order this book.

More books by this author 

About The Author

Alan CohenAlan Cohen is the author of the bestselling A Course in Miracles Made Easy and his newly-released inspirational book, Soul and Destiny. Join Alan and musician Karen Drucker for a transformational in-person ACIM-based retreat in California, Into the Light, December 6-10, 2021. For information on this program and Alan’s other books, recordings, and trainings, visit AlanCohen.com
  

Watch Alan Cohen videos (interviews and more)
 


 Get The Latest By Email

Weekly Magazine Daily Inspiration

More Articles By This Author

You May Also Like

INNERSELF VOICES

internet company logos
Why Google, Facebook and The Internet are Failing Humanity and Little Critters
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
What is increasingly obvious is the dark side that is engulfing the internet and is spreading…
Full moon in the night sky
Horoscope Current Week: October 18 - 24, 2021
by Pam Younghans
This weekly astrological journal is based on planetary influences, and offers perspectives and…
girl wearing a Covid mask outside carrying a backpack
Are You Ready to Take Off Your Mask?
by Alan Cohen
Sadly, the Covid pandemic has been a rough ride for lots of people. At some point, the ride will be…
girl wearing a hat deep in thought
Putting A New Spin On Our Thoughts and Experiences
by Jude Bijou
What goes on in the world, just is the way it is. How we interpret other people, things, and…
illustration of a film strip with various scenic pictures on each frame
Designing a New Future for Yourself
by Carl Greer PhD, PsyD
In the physical world, things have a past and a future, a beginning, and an end. For example, I’m…
teacher standing in front of students in an open classroom
Becoming Passionate About Public Education Again
by Robert Jennings, InnerSelf.com
We are almost all lucky to have someone in our lives to encourage and motivate us and try to show…
people walking and bicycling through a park
Finding Your Way and Flowing with The Mystery of Life
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
Life. It's something we all have in common, no matter our religion, our race, our gender, our…
Flower growing through a chain-link fence
So Many Questions... So Many Answers?
by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com
We go through life with so many questions. Some are simple. What day is it? What will I have for…
There’s No Wrong Way to Eat a Reese’s—Or Is There?
There’s No Wrong Way to Eat a Reese’s—Or Is There?
by Diane R. Gehart
"There’s No Wrong Way to Eat a Reese’s." The Reese’s slogan raises a more poignant question: Is…
The Gentle Art of Blessing: Changing the World in One Day
The Gentle Art of Blessing: Changing the World in One Day
by Pierre Pradervand
Every day, everyone we meet can be assisted by simply our changing our attitude and our focus. We…
Glad to Be Human
Glad to Be Human: Finding Numberless Reasons To Feel Grateful and Hopeful
by Irene O'Garden
Our five senses, our fantastic curiosity, our exhilarating emotional capacity are just a few of our…

MOST READ

How Living On The Coast Is Linked To Poor Health
How Living On The Coast Is Linked To Poor Health
by Jackie Cassell, Professor of Primary Care Epidemiology, Honorary Consultant in Public Health, Brighton and Sussex Medical School
The precarious economies of many traditional seaside towns have declined still further since the…
The Most Common Issues for Earth Angels: Love, Fear, and Trust
The Most Common Issues for Earth Angels: Love, Fear, and Trust
by Sonja Grace
As you experience being an earth angel, you will discover that the path of service is riddled with…
How Can I Know What's Best For Me?
How Can I Know What's Best For Me?
by Barbara Berger
One of the biggest things I've discovered working with clients everyday is how extremely difficult…
What Men’s Roles In 1970s Anti-sexism Campaigns Can Teach Us About Consent
What Men’s Roles In 1970s Anti-sexism Campaigns Can Teach Us About Consent
by Lucy Delap, University of Cambridge
The 1970s anti-sexist men’s movement had an infrastructure of magazines, conferences, men’s centres…
Honesty: The Only Hope for New Relationships
Honesty: The Only Hope for New Relationships
by Susan Campbell, Ph.D.
According to most of the singles I have met in my travels, the typical dating situation is fraught…
Chakra Healing Therapy: Dancing toward the Inner Champion
Chakra Healing Therapy: Dancing toward the Inner Champion
by Glen Park
Flamenco dancing is a delight to watch. A good flamenco dancer exudes an exuberant self-confidence…
Giving Up All Hope Could Be Beneficial For You
Giving Up All Hope Could Be Beneficial For You
by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.
If you're waiting for a change and frustrated it's not happening, maybe it would be beneficial to…
An Astrologer introduces the Nine Dangers of Astrology
An Astrologer introduces the Nine Dangers of Astrology
by Tracy Marks
Astrology is a powerful art, capable of enhancing our lives by enabling us to understand our own…

follow InnerSelf on

facebook icontwitter iconyoutube iconinstagram iconpintrest iconrss icon

 Get The Latest By Email

Weekly Magazine Daily Inspiration

AVAILABLE LANGUAGES

enafarzh-CNzh-TWdanltlfifrdeeliwhihuiditjakomsnofaplptroruesswsvthtrukurvi

New Attitudes - New Possibilities

InnerSelf.comClimateImpactNews.com | InnerPower.net
MightyNatural.com | WholisticPolitics.com | InnerSelf Market
Copyright ©1985 - 2021 InnerSelf Publications. All Rights Reserved.